Therapy Session
by Starla
Summary: Early s2 of Angel; Buffy drops by for a visit. Be prepared for a little B/A mushiness.


  
  

    
    Title: Therapy Session 1/1
    Author: [][1]Starla
    Disclaimer: Joss Whedon/David Greenwalt and associates own all. I lay no claim.
    Distribution: Yeppo. Send me an addy.
    Timeline: Early s5/s2. Around Family or Out of My Mind, and First
    Impressions... I don't deal with Darla. I can't be bothered. 
    Spoilers: Consider nothing sacred. I don't really know. Sanctuary especially. 
    Author's Notes: This is shameless, shameless mush. Absolutely shameless. What
    can I say, I needed it. 
    Feedback: damn straight. 
    Dedication: Cav, who said, "Bernie, write." I found this to be a marvelous
    idea. *g*. 
    //I know I'll see you again,
    Whether far or soon
    But I need you to know that I care
    And I miss you.//
    -Incubus, I Miss You
    I didn't really know what was happening at first. Buffy was in front of me, and
    then she had her arms around my neck, promising to love me forever, and all I
    could do was hold her close and breathe her in. 
    It was just a regular day, and while there had been a niggling feeling of
    warmth in the pit of my belly, I'd ignored it; dismissed it as wishful
    thinking, as a manifestation of how much I'd missed her lately... It was just a
    normal day. Sitting around the Hyperion with the others, Cordy pretending to
    file, Wesley engrossed in his new tome, and Gunn and I doing our own thing -
    which generally consisted of weapons maintenance- waiting for something to
    happen. For Cordy to get a vision, or for a new client to call, or just for
    *anything* to make us feel useful.
    I'd been spacing out all day, and more than once I had found myself lost in
    memories of her...Memories of warm, moist skin, and passionfruit lip gloss, and
    hair that always smelled like vanilla. Memories of hushed voices, and nights
    passed in front of the fire, her body tucked safely up against mine, her hands,
    so tiny, so gentle....
    Cordy was getting annoyed with me, I could tell. I think she suspected that I
    was daydreaming of Buffy, and I know it worried her, but I really couldn't help
    myself. She is an addiction that I shall never escape. 
    So there we were, just hanging out, generally lost in our own thoughts, but
    occasionally making conversation, chatting, laughing, free, easy,
    comfortable...
     
    And then Buffy walked through the door, and the world was crazy again...the
    sort of nice, warm, insanity that comes from being incurably in love, and the
    clarity that only comes from being completely out of your mind. 
    The others didn't notice her at first, she was so quiet, but I did...How could
    I not, with the way my entire body started buzzing the moment she opened the
    door?
    I stood up immediately, sending the axe that I'd been polishing on my lap
    clattering to the floor. Gunn glared at me dirtily, his foot mere centimetres
    from where the blade had imbedded itself in the floor. "Damnit, watch what
    you're doing, man!"
    I didn't care, at that moment. I'd apologize later. Right now, my sweetheart,
    my sunshine, my goddess was standing at the door, and I couldn't take my eyes
    off her... off her eyes, her hands, her unsure smile, her golden midriff that
    peeked out the bottom of her ruby gypsy shirt, accented by one of those little
    silver belly chains that seem so popular at the moment... I'd never liked them,
    but on her.... 
    It only took the others a split second to follow my gaze, and only Gunn didn't
    seem stunned. He looked around at the myself, Cordy, and Wes, and then frowned.
    "What? You guys ain't ever seen a hottie before? Or, is it the fact that we
    actually have a client?" 
    I thought I saw Buffy preen a little at being called a hottie, and repressed
    the insane impulse to growl... Some small flame of irrational jealousy had
    sparked up inside me for a moment, but quickly, I shook it off... even though
    Gunn was swaggering towards Buffy - //My Girl// - confidently, even though he
    had a charming smile on his face, even though she was smiling back a
    little...Was that her flirty smile? That looked like her flirty smile....
    Nope. I wasn't jealous at all. 
    "How can we help you?" Gunn asked, all business now. I was impressed.
    "This is a personal visit, actually," She said, speaking for the first time,
    her voice everything I remember it to be...soft, sweet...beautiful Buffy voice.
    She looked past him, into my eyes. "Hi," She said with a little smile,
    "Remember me?" She walked towards me, "Supernatural type... Little
    flaky...Likes to hit things?" She lifted her fist and made a tiny, almost
    comical punching motion with it. 
    "As if I could forget you," I finally managed to croak. "Hello, Buffy."
    "Buffy!" Cordelia said, in the high, false, grating voice she always used when
    talking about Buffy. It was like she didn't want me to know that she didn't
    have the best relationship with the woman I loved...despite the fact that she
    knew I'd seen it all, for myself. Heard the insults, seen the hurt on Buffy's
    face... seen her give it back every bit as hard as she got it. Their
    relationship was more complicated now, because of me, but I didn't need them to
    shield me from it. I knew how it was...it was nothing to do with me. Then
    again, maybe it was nothing to do with that. Maybe Cordelia just felt awkward,
    having seen everything Buffy and I had shared...it was daunting.
    My mind does this when I'm in shock. It takes a little holiday, focusses on
    things that are irrelevant...analyses them, tries to make sense of them. 
     I've never been able to get a grasp of my love for Buffy, though, no matter
    how much I studied it, twisted it in my mind, tried to discern it's origins. I
    could think of a million reasons to love her, but none were the actual reasons
    for my deep and burning love for her...it just was...what it was. 
    "Is there some big nasty demon we have to help you kill?" I heard Cordelia ask,
    and my eyes flickered to her for a moment before resettling on the elfin blonde
    before me, awaiting her answer...wondering, briefly, if that would be the only
    reason we ever saw each other anymore...If we'd become cold and distant,
    uncaring about each others lives... apathetic towards each other until we were
    in the heat of battle. Interacting solely on the level of fellow warriors. 
    That thought scared me. I still loved her beyond reason, and I know she...
    well, I know she cares, in some small way. You don't generate the kind of anger
    she'd shown towards me in past visits from indifference.
    "No," She said, to Cordy, but her eyes were on my face, "I came to see Angel."
    There was a beat's silence, and then another, before I spoke in a voice that
    sounded small and crackly to my ears. "Why?"
    She bit her lip, looked at me with green eyes that held a sad wisdom beyond her
    years, and I heard her release a frustrated breath. She turned around in a
    familiar fashion, her arms making this little flailing motion that I'd come to
    know well. This was something she did when she didn't know what to say...when
    she needed a few moments to think...or when she was angry, and struggling to
    contain herself. 
    Finally, she swung around to face me again, her eyes determined, a small,
    cautious smile on her lips. "Hi," she murmured, her voice sounding
    almost...sweetly anxious.
    "Hi," I replied, unable to stop myself from making that old connection with
    her...from getting lost in the ocean of /us/, spinning us into an endless
    expanse of want and need. 
    "Stuff has been happening lately..." She told me, her eyes studying my face,
    "And I realised how much has been left..unsaid...between us. I just want you to
    know some things...You know...because we never know..."
    "If something will happen to one of us?" I finished for her questioningly when
    she failed to complete her thought. Her eyes flashed with misery for a moment,
    and I smiled reassuringly even as I was chasing away the bolts of fear that had
    sliced into me at just the thought of something happening to her. 
    "I need you to know," She said simply. 
    I nodded, and sensed that she just wanted me to let her get it all out before I
    said anything. There was a moment of agonizing silence before she smiled
    tenderly, and... threw her arms around my neck, burying her face in my
    shoulder. Somehow, my arms crept around to cradle her against me, rubbing her
    back, so enticingly warm through the flimsy material of her shirt. She lifted
    her face a little, and spoke against my neck, her lips brushing the spot where
    my pulse should have been. 
    "Last time I was here, I said - well, *implied* - some things I didn't mean,"
    She sniffled. "I know you. I trust you. I love you." I felt her lips press a
    kiss to my skin, felt tears wet against my neck, and I shivered, floored by the
    joy of loving and being loved in return. "Always," She continued, "Always you.
    I love you more than anybody, ever," She whispered, and then pulled back
    slightly to look in my eyes, a little giggle, her hazel eyes sparkling
    mischievously. "With the possible exception of Luke Perry when I was twelve."
    Against my will, this little rumbling growl built in my belly, and she laughed,
    pressing her face against my neck once more, "Okay, okay, even more than Luke
    Perry. But it's a close call."
    I dropped a kiss on her shoulder. "I love you."
    "I'm sorry I was such a hellbeast last time," She said, one of her hands coming
    up to stroke the back of my neck. 
    "I understand," I said softly, "I'm sorry I was so harsh."
    "You weren't... Okay, you were harsh, but you had your reasons."
    "So did you. I should have accepted that..."
    "Don't apologize for who you are," She said sternly. "Faith needed to be
    helped."
    "If you had asked me to choose," I murmured, "It would have been you, no matter
    what."
    "Well, thank god I didn't ask you to choose, then, " She said, and when I
    pulled back to look in her eyes, I think she really meant it. "Faith is my
    sister, and I judged her by harsh standards... I sort of felt like...like she
    was betraying our heritage, the hundreds of girls who came before us. Making a
    mockery of everything we stand for."
    "I know," I replied, having always known that this was part of it... Faith and
    Buffy have a complex relationship that I'll never really be able to understand.
    I wonder if they'll ever sort things out. 
    "Add into that my rather rampant jealous streak, I was pretty irrational. I'm
    sorry for taking my own insecurities out on you. It wasn't fair."
    "It's forgotten, deal?" I offered, as I rubbed her back, longing to feel her
    silken flesh bare beneath my fingers, knowing that it couldn't happen - for the
    moment.
    "Deal," She replied, pulling away from me, stretching up, kissing my forehead
    and smiling adoringly into my eyes. "You're still mine, right?" 
    "Of course," I replied, taking one of her hands, kissing and nuzzling her palm.
    She cupped my cheek in her hand, smiled tenderly at me. "Forever, right?" She
    said, needing my reassurance, "We'll belong to each other always?"
    "Yes."
    "I love you."
    "I love you."
    Her hand laced through mine as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss me, properly.
    Long, and sweet, and slow, and full of love. When our lips parted, I rested my
    forehead against hers for a moment, my eyes closed, wanting to memorize every
    detail of having her body pressed up against mine, her breath on my face. She
    kissed me softly, briefly, once more, and then stepped away, still holding my
    hand. 
    "Till we meet again, Mr. Bond," She said a little tearily. 
    We locked eyes as she moved away, holding hands until our fingers were forced
    apart by distance. I felt tears streaming down my face as she opened the door,
    and then looked back at me. "Angel, we may not live in each other's world at
    the moment, but that won't last forever. Someday, I fully expect you to come
    home to me."
    And with that, she was gone.
    "I promise," I whispered, blinking back tears. God, I love her. 
    I heard Cordelia sniffle, and for the first time I realized that my friends had
    been present the whole time during our little therapy session. I looked around.
    Cordy had tears in her eyes, and Wes looked a little uncomfortable, but sad for
    us both. Gunn, for his part, was just extremely confused.
    He scratched his head. "Who the hell was that?"
    Oh, but where to begin?
    *^*FIN*^*

  
  


   [1]: mailto:Starla@Buffymail.com?subject=Therapy Session



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